Apparently at one point I was wearing my sweatshirt backwards like it was normal and then I threw up into the hood. Never drinking again.
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
So much for the toy store...Not a butt plug in the entire place. See you tonight.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Will exercising make me less horny?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
