white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
Not great. "Leave the toilet seat down, it gives me somewhere to rest my face."
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I'm eating Arby's in the bathtub because I'm an adult and I do what I want
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
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