After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
Randomize
