i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
Welcome to a new world. May the gods of weed smile upon you as you embark on exploring this new dimension.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Of course my parents remember you. You showed them your tits
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