I want someone to please me without me having to show him steps 1 through 5
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Like not in a "I wanna have sex with you way" more like a "I wanna cuddle your mustache way"
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
Randomize
