I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
she thought don quixote was a type of tequila.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
