I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Drugs and unwanted pregnancies are the only things that I'm good at. College comes in at a close third.
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
