I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I tired using vodka to remove my makeup
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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