If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
i was laying in her brothers bed, in his old room. and i kept getting the chills. i didn't know if it was a draft or the ghosts of BJ's past.
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
