My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
According to my Fitbit I was passed out in my car for 2 hours after she got us kicked out of the bar
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
