i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
All the doctor said was why
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize