One girl and one boy is just not enough.
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
you strike me as the kind of person who when they spill something on their lap they take off their pants and eat it anyways. right off the crotch seam.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
