I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
i just heard someone have an orgasm and then throw up through the vent in my room.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Hey to make you feel better about last night, I just shit my pants.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I stepped in puke last night then washed it off my shoe with beer. Is there a grace period to respect before wearing them to class?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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