47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
SEE! I KNEW I HAD A LONG-TERM REASON FOR BEING A SLUT!
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Nahh no judgin. Compliments to the balls are always heartfelt
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
Randomize
