At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
On your day off do you wanna get wine drunk and take a few episodes of Jerry Springer way too seriously with me?
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
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