hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
That's ok. Our relationship has a solid foundation of booze and questionable behavior.
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Next time you think about divorce, consider this: a hot guy just walked in and I tried to suck in my back fat.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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