Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
i like how i just referred to his pregnant wife as the "other" melissa and you didn't even judge me.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Well I passed out before 4:20 on 4/20 so I deem it a failure AND a success.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
