Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
Believe it's possible to jerk off while watching the food network.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
We listened to Rod Stewart Pandora and slow danced in the shower.
I found an HIV test/information brochure on the kitchen table and what i can only assume to be an "I'm sorry you might have AIDS" gift bag, complete with a candle and popcorn, and I haven't seen you in 36 hours. You good?
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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