Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
Besides he said his dick was as big as a loaf of bread and that it was broken. So I was like u have half a head of hair and a broken dick that looks like bread. No thanks. Im good.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
you hit your head on the sneeze guard and passed out at Pizza Hut they called the police
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
