Only a mothe r could love this liver
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
work has become about six times more interesting since i started fucking my boss.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
She passed out in my baby sister's room so we put her in one of my grandma's diapers, put a pacifier in her mouth, put her in my sister's crib and took pictures.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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