theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
All I want is dick and wine.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
