The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
Just got a picture message from my sister of the two of us wearing cowboy hats and pressing our bare asses together. Do you remember enough to explain?
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
All I remember is waking up with 3 penises pointed at my face. I also remember enjoying that a lot. And then I threw up in their shower.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
