Spring semester is just not the same w/o you
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Randomize
