Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
Fair warning: I will be throwing corn dogs at you every time I see you this week.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
