Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
i had 75 notifications coming from ur status. here i was thinking i had friends.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
Randomize
