At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Randomize
