He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
But I aced my quizzes. Apparently flash card beer pong is an acceptable form of studying.
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
