somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
just overheard a conversation that ended in "and that's what I learned in France" How could that not have been about sex
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
I think I love you, but I may be biased because we had pirate sex.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Bartenders are not toys. I repeat, bartenders are not toys.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize