I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I took "we live within stumbling distance of the bar" as an invitation and challenge
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
Randomize
