Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
Well there's only 4 people in my class, we've watched a video, the instructors encouraged us to start using cocaine and now we are on break.
It's been productive.
Randomize
