nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
She's like a connoisseur of porn. Her collection has things in it I never even knew existed. She even has an Italian batman porno. Where has she been all my life?
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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