dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
Remember the time we were in the hospital and I wanted to steel the arm restraints and use them as sex toys?? Oh college memories....
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
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