he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
She announced her abortion via fbk
our cab driver is having phone sex.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
NOT PREGNANT according to the two dollar tree pregnancy tests I took in the tacobell bathroom. Come meet me at tacobell for celebratory soft tacos.
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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