I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
do herpes really smell.
You do realize there's a subtle difference between not remembering your outfit from april 17th of last year vs forgetting that last night you undressed in the street and were grabbing every dick you could reach, right?
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Do you count doing $200 of coke off his dick until 6am as a successful rekindling of our relationship or...
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
