We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
Randomize