I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
you kept singing the copa cabana and saying HAVE A BANANA to random people on the street. you also went up to this poor short guy and hugged him while proceeding to yell I LOVE YOU CHILD MAN into his face. please tell me you're sober now
My relationship with VH1 is so bittersweet
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
Just broke my no shot rule again.. Made out with a stranger. That's 0 for 3 this month for the record
Randomize
