We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
When was the last time you made a good decision when you could've made a shitty one
I had a salad today
Screwed a girl without a condom but hey at least you got your veggies
I've come to the conclusion all of your awkward and complicated male encounters could easily be intercepted by a man town Yankee candle and a vibrator. Sleep on that tell me your thoughts in the morning. Sweet dreams.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
