Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
I hope you dream of an avalanche of penises
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
you should probably know that there's a naked dude in your window
i wouldn't normally say anything but you seem to not be there
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Randomize
