There was so much of it... it was like he poured a bowl of pudding on my face. It's not bad for your hair is it?
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
New fact of life: getting Becca high never helps any situation at all ever.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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