i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
I'm sitting with my parents watching football and moaned when I saw his shirtless picture. They looked at me weird so I had to turn the moan into a laugh. A sad, really horny laugh.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
