just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I just want to buy drugs without having to pay an arm and a leg for it. Is that a horrible thing to ask for?
I mean, it's not like you can exactly complain to the manager and higher ups about it.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
Randomize
