lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
you riverdanced for the cops while the rest ran away.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
