So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
He left an apology note saying he had to work and that there was coffee, OJ and food on the table with two Excedrin. I left his spare key with the door guard and she said "too bad I don't go for skinny white boys or I'd jump you both!" Best one night stand ever.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
I made out with my moms boyfriends son last night. Thanksgiving is gonna be reeeal fun!
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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