You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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