I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
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