I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
My feet surprised me
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