lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I just bid on a $9000 car because I think its my ex-girlfriends. Yes I wanna hit that again.
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
