I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
Randomize
