How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
She's an honest to god fucking ballerina. She did things I don't have names for.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
