Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
I'm gonna put my relationship status as "widowed" to see if it helps me get some poon.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I actually want to work out for some reason... I think it's my brains way of telling me it doesn't like living in a fat body.
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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