can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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