how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Pretty sure I just pissed straight whiskey...
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
