The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
So I've gone into the break room to heat up a styrofoam cup 8 times over the course of 4 hours.. that desperate to see him. Now I have a broken heart AND cancer.
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
