he poured tabasco sauce in my vag.. I'm still having a hard time going to the bathroom.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Apparently she saw two women get in a slapping match over a comforter at target yesterday. She said it was awesome. Clearly I take after her.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
I'm going to be there later than expected. There was a yo-yo incident...
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
