Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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