I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
Everything about him screamed your future.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
when the song champagne showers came on you poured some kids beer over his head... while giving him a lap dance
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
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