so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
why do cheetos always look like penises
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I couldn't fall back asleep it was too bright so I just took my sports bra off and put it over my eyes
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
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