Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
come back what if one of your parents walks in and im just sitting here eating a cheesesteak without you
I kept petting the scarves and telling customers to "feel that shit"
Stop drinking at work.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Any chance I can buy my dignity back with $45?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
Randomize
