there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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