You can't motorboat a personality
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
He better be a good lay, these underwear cost $50.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He has the fingertips of a God
Randomize
