My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Can we talk about how i drunkenly changed the timezone on my phone last night and just showed up to work an hour early
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
Randomize
