Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
Walking out of our apartment this morning to go to class, I saw a sticky note on the front door that said "get tested." The door was unlocked so did you bring some stranger back last night? I'm assuming you weren't referring to me...
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Randomize
