Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Go christen that room with your naked body.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
I was supposed to see Marcus tonight and he cancelled. Listen, I shaved my butt hole. Somebody is getting this WAP 😂😂😂😂
Randomize