the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Hold on there are flying pancakes I can't handle this right now
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I think not having bongs in close range is good for my academia
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
theres a girl in the library eating whip cream out of a starbucks cup... only whip cream, im way to high for this shit
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