Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
