Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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