He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Mandatory 420 Adventure Time.
This is why we're friends.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
The last time I thought I had a UTI, I ended up having herpes. Sooo.. This time in preparing myself for cancer or death.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Randomize
